R2P4 VLCD 13

Cheated a bit yesterday cause I got good news and really craved a serving of rice. So I ate it. I still lost weight (a few ounces)...which is surprising but I'm grateful!

Still hoping to lose 6.3 more lbs by Wed, 10/14. I have a week-if I'm good, it could happen!

R4P2 VLCD 11

I've been a bad little blogger! It's been 3 weeks since my last post. I'd finished R3 at 183.7 lbs, and then in the week I was off, gained nearly 15 of it back! Part of it was my fault...but I wasn't eating too badly, so I think it may have been a few factors, like my period coinciding with the end of the round. Luckily, I started on R4 on 9/25 and dropped the recent gain quickly. I'm losing new weight again...can't believe that I'll be seeing the 170s soon...though of course at the start of the diet, I fully believed I'd be in the 160s by now. But it's definitely a learning process.

I have a party coming up on Saturday and I know it will be hard to resist the goodies. I'm considering weaning off on Wed, then counting Sat as as load day. Don't know if that will screw things up worse than simply cheating and dealing with the aftermath. Hmmm...not sure yet what I will do.

But on a great note...I've in 4 months on & off of HCG, I've lost a whopping 42.8 lbs! And that is amazing. And I feel good about it, and myself. I still have 31.9 lbs to lose...but I can get there. It may not be until the end of January 2010, but I'm still hoping I can at least break into the 150s by the time this year ends.

Happy autumn!

R3P2 VLCD 17

As of today, I've officially lost 40 lbs! Well, 40 lbs and 2 ounces. :) I weighed in this afternoon at 184.5, and it was a beautiful sight. Last night, I went shopping with the hubby and went to Macys. I picked out 6 tops...1 Large and 5 mediums. Normally, I'd have gone in with a plus size or the biggest looking XL or XXL. Wouldn't you know that all of them fit, and all of them looked good?! :) I bought a really flattering black lightweight sweater with a periwinkle blue design. I even tried on a fitted shirt in a size 12 (which normally would never have fit since my arms and usually gut are so big)...but it fit and looked sexy!

I am still hoping that with 3 injection days left, I can get down to 180. With my period looming, that might be impossible. But maybe not...who knows what can happen? I AM looking forward to some P3 food next Thursday, though. I'll take a 10 dayish break and then get right back on...if I start at 180, I am praying to lose 12 lbs. If I start at 182...14 lbs. I know that as I get closer to my goal weight, and the longer I do HCG without the required break, I might slow down or hit immunity. But I really hope not. If I can get to 165 without hitting immunity, I would be very, very happy. My goal is still 150-155 before the holidays...but that's an ultimate goal. As long as I can get down to 165 or under before the big break, I can live.

We'll see. I've not been hungry at all for the last few days, which is odd but I'm not complaining. Still hoping for a miracle! :)

R3P2 VLCD 15

185 on the dot this morning made me very happy. Wasn't hungry in the least yesterday...as in, didn't eat half my food. 35 lbs away from my goal, and only a week from tomorrow when I get my yummy P3 style eating break! :)

R3 P2 VLCD 14

So, down to 186.5 lbs and my belly has gone from 49 inches to 36 inches...that's pretty darned exciting. Only have 6 more injection days this round, and know that the chances of seeing 179 are slim, so I'm hoping for 182.7...that would bring me to a total loss of 42 lbs for 3 months of HCG, and then I'll break for 10 days, and start the next round. Hopefully immunity won't hit. I want to do 2 more rounds, hopefully getting into the 150s, then take my full break for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and go for one more round in January, maybe to get me below 150. We'll see. Trying to play it all by ear right now, but still very happy.

R3 P2 VLCD 8

And...I was 189.1 lbs this morning! WOOHOO! I dropped 1.5 lbs last night...that was with 8 bottles of water, 1.5 cans of Zevia, 2 apples, 1 Jello pudding (sugar free), and a sugar free reeses peanut butter cup. 457 calories. My husband thinks I do better when I eat both protein servings and I think he's right!

I started with 75 lbs to lose, and now I have 39 to lose...it sounds so much more manageable that way.

I am feeling good. Beautiful day, beautiful prospects of being skinny in the near future, and ready to tackle the world!

R3P2 VLCD 6

So, my planned interruption went pretty well...stuck mostly to P3 but of course, had a few cheats that made me start my current round at 6 lbs above LIW...197.6...BUT...after just 5 days back on the VLCD, and no loading this time around, I'm back to 191.7 lbs. Which means that I am learning, and stabilizing better. And after today, any weight I lose will be new weight!

This 3 week round, I hope to get to 179 lbs...but at this point, I'm super excited to see the 180s, which I hope will definitely be this week.

I plan to do 2 more short rounds, ending right before Thanksgiving. I am still really hoping to get to the 150s, so that I can stabilize and take a great 6 week break over Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years before doing one final round. I may not need a final round, but I have a feeling I will...cheating is quite hard to avoid during my favorite months.

And we'll see what happens...I keep hoping that by doing 3 weeks on, 1 week off, that I can stave off immunity for as long as possible...I hope that happens. But this is totally a test...most people follow protocol.

The point is...I have 41.7 more lbs to lose to reach my goal weight. It's not impossible to think that in 3 short rounds, avoiding immunity of course, that that can happen...it does mean losing almost 14 lbs each round or somewhere thereabouts.

But I am optimistic. HCG is my miracle.

R2P3 Day 1 (Planned Interruption #2)

So, I had my last injection on Friday. 191.7 lbs...then dropped almost another pound on Saturday...did the 72 hours with NO problem whatsoever...not sure why people claim to be hungry while the HCG leaves their system...maybe I'm just lucky? Started my planned interruption this morning at 191.4 lbs, always good to be a little under LIW to start off!

I had delicious gluten free fruit and nut granola with skim milk for breakfast, and for the day I've packed a nectarine, a peach, and an apple...cheddar and muenster cheeses, carrot sticks, chicken in garlic powder, water, Zevia root beer, sugar free chocolate pudding and sugar free rice pudding, and macadamia nuts. It sounds heavenly...but also like a LOT of food! I was stuffed after the granola and just managed the nectarine. Whew.

I plan to break for 10 days unless I can't maintain...in that case, I'll only break for 7 days. I am trying to ensure that I stave off immunity as long as possible, so I'll take interruptions for as long as possible. But I must admit, I cannot wait to see the scale break into the 180s next week!!!!!!!!!!!! :) (Knock wood, of course!) :)

R2P2 VLCD 17

191.7 lbs this morning shocked and delighted me. I can stop anytime but still playing the waiting game with my period!

But looking forward to my break...yet not desperate for it. Today I had an apple, shredded Iceberg with Italian dressing and grilled chicken, sugar free chocolate pudding, and 2 small sugarless peppermint patties. Yum. I'm stuffed.

And it's Friday!

R2P2 VLCD 15

Lost a full pound this morning, yay! So I guess I broke the stall. I am in early stages of my period, and yesterday I ate two servings of chicken, two apples, and two puddings...the full 500 calories. This morning I am 193.6 lbs!!! :)

So, I'm going to keep the shots until my full fledged period is at least in day 2 or 3...hopefully that will be soon, but soon I hope that I can get down to 190-191 by then. I was hoping for the 180s this round, but c'est la vie. I've learned so many lessons, and I'm really hoping that my plan of 3 weeks on, 1 week to 10 days off, will stave off immunity and that I can just keep going until mid November, and weigh no more than 160 by then.

Happy Wednesday!

R2P2 VLCD 13

So I lost the 3 oz I gained. That's good. But I also sort of started my period a week early...I hope I'm not just going to end up with a 2 week period-that would suck.

If it IS my period, then I will still stand by my last injection being this Friday, and starting my week long P3 interruption on Monday. I'm still holding out to lose 4.3 lbs bjavascript:void(0)y then, but with my period, that's probably a pipe dream.

Oh well. I'm happy that it's still working at all! :)

R2P2 VLCD 11 & 12

So yesterday, woke up to 194.3 lbs, which was awesome. It put my weight loss at a total of 30 lbs, 4 oz. I had a meeting and successfully avoided the veggie tray with dip, the cookies, the nuts, the fruit, etc. Then I went to hang out with friends and suddenly, I couldn't stop eating! I had carrots with veggie ranch dip, grapes, blueberries, and a few rice crispy treats. I ate 1000 calories and was really not pleased with myself.

I woke up with diarrhea and gas pains, probably from all that excess sugar. By some miracle, I only gained 3 oz, which is nothing in the grand scheme of things...but since I only have a few more days on this round, I know it means that I might stall for the rest of it. I hope not...by the time I have my last injection on Friday, I am really hoping to be down to 190. Then I will do my darndest to maintain that weight on my week of planned interruption, and then right back on the Phase 2 HCG wagon. I'm going to keep doing 3 weeks on, 1 week off, for as long as I possibly can before hitting immunity. If immunity can be staved off, I could be at 155-160 lbs by Thanksgiving, and then enjoy a wonderful P3/P4 break before starting a final round after New Year's to lose the last 5-15 lbs, depending on how I look/feel.

Here's hoping I keep losing again this week (and on the plan overall!) despite my mishap.

R2P2 VLCD 10

195.6 lbs this morning. It was pretty awesome. And I was bad yesterday, in a sense. 2 sugarless pudding cups (120 calories) and 2 apples (200 calories)...no protein. I didn't expect to lose but I did; am hoping I can lose even more overnight. If I can lose about a pound, it'll be a total of 30 lost, which is awesome. The fact is, I screwed myself up and so I started at 210.5 this round-and in 10 days, I'm down almost 15 lbs. I could've been at 184 by now if that hadn't happened, but hey-live and learn.

Anyhoo-keep on truckin!

Cravings

So, while I'm not hungry, I AM experiencing some cravings. I am longing for sugar free pudding, cheesecake, chocolate or gelato...something creamy and rich tasting. I'm actually not craving bread or taquitos for a change, so that's great.

During my planned interruption, I plan to go to Olive Garden. I want the salad drizzled in dressing, and the chicken parm...skip the breadsticks and the pasta...and enjoy a small piece of cheesecake. I plan to do Cheesecake Factory for a piece of that red velvet cheesecake everyone's raving about, but I'll do that on the last day, as sort of a "mini load".

Right now, I just wish I could add a handful of macadamia nuts and an ounce of cheddar or muenster cheese to my diet. Or be able to eat fruits without guilt. In a perfect world, HCG would allow you to eat whatever you wanted up to 500 calories, instead of this regimented diet. It's not terrible, but the monotony does get to you. Or...eat the stringent way for 6 days a week, and have a day off to eat whatever within reason. I wonder if too many people would go hog wild and ruin it then.

If I could reincarnate anyone, it would be Dr. Simeons. I'd love to see what his take on the diet today would be, and what changes we could make to adapt to modern technology in food.

R2P2 VLCD 9

Same weight this am, 197.1 lbs, which was tough. Maybe it was the pudding since I ate it again yesterday and again skipped the apple.

Tonight I'm skipping the pudding and doing two apples...so we'll see!

R2P2 VLCD 8

197.1 lbs this morning-finally new weight lost! :)

I did a cheating experiment yesterday...instead of my second apple, I had a small cup of sugar free dulce de leche jello pudding...it's made with zylitol instead of the usual aspartame products...I took a risk, and lost a pound! So, we'll see where that goes. It was amazing that such a small treat (a few ounces, 60 calories and 1 gram of fat) filled me up, and was absolutely sweet, decadent, and satisfying...a far cry from my usual craving, which would've included an entire PINT of Haagen Daaz ice cream to content me.

188 is just around the corner! :)

R2P2 VLCD 7

Back to LIW of 198.0 finally as of this morning.

Now, to focus on REAL weight loss for the next 2 weeks...10 more lbs off is my goal. I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! :)

Yay! (R2P2 VLCD 5)

199.3 this morning...so close to LIW that I can practically taste it! Now, if I can see 198.0 tomorrow, then any weight lost after that will be NEW weight loss, as I zoom towards this round's goal of 188.0!

Happy Saturday!

Essential P2 Tips

Supplements I can't live without:

L-GLutamine (500mg x 3 daily)for hunger and cravings
Taurine (1000mg x 3 daily) for water retention
Biosil (6 liquid drops in water daily) for beautiful skin/hair/nails
LifeCaps for the first few days of P2

I don't eat anything until 11am at minimum and my first food is always an apple.

I later eat chicken for lunch with celery sticks.
Steak for dinner with spinach.

Apple or 1/2 cup of raspberries after if I'm still hungry.

A min of 100 oz of pure, non sparkling water daily. I simply take 4-5 bottles with me to work and chug away, and then have 2-3 more at night before bed.

Zevia organic soda which is sweetened with stevia and doesn't have caffeine, calories, sodium, or gluten. It's a treat. Black cherry and lemon-lime are my favorites.

R2P2 VLCD 4

Hunger suffering paid off...was 200.8 lbs this morning! And I'm not hungry at all today...it's 1pm and I haven't eaten anything yet! This gives me such hope...I'd love to be back to LIW of 198.0 lbs by Sunday, and then start losing fresh weight in the remaining two weeks. I only need to lose 10 lbs then to safely get into the 180s AND start my 6 week P3/P4 break. :)

Today I am feeling great, and optimistic. YAY!!! :)

Dreaming about...P3

So I'm not gonna lie. Having major cheesecake cravings. It's probably the Cheesecake Factory is publicizing a new flavor. And I would probably maim someone to get a slice RIGHT NOW.

But, the cheesecake fantasies aside...I've changed. After a few simple days of "bad foods", I don't crave them anymore. I don't want anything fried. I don't want cake loaded with sugar. I don't want McDonalds, or a Taquito.

I am longing for more fruit (peaches, pears, nectarines, apples, berries). I am wishing for cheese (muenster, cheddar, alouette) and nuts (macadamia, almonds, cashews)...I have a craving for sugar free dulce de leche pudding. And gluten free pretzels with fat free sour cream. And big juicy steaks and green beans and broccoli.

Yes, I guess my biggest problem is that I'm still longing for granola. I've always loved muesli/granola with dried fruit and nuts, but it doesn't love me. It's very healthy, but I know it's a detriment to my eating, definitely now and probably forever.

But I'm happy to know that I might have some self control in the future. I'm really looking forward to 3 weeks of P3 and then 3 weeks of P4. All I really will want in P4 is the ability to make gluten free cakes and brownies (and I can't wait to try them with Stevia and not sugar-it might make them guilt free as well!) and adding brown rice and lentils here and there.

R2P2 VLCD 3

I only lost 1 more pound. So, 3 days into VLCD, and I'm still 6.6 lbs away from my LIW less than a week ago. So sad. These are hard lessons to learn.

I'm still hungry. If it doesn't go away in the next day or so, I will have to wean myself off HCG (which is excruciating if you're already hungry) and then take the 6 week break.

I hope that before that happens I can get back into the 190s again. And I'm still hoping that the hunger will clear up, the weight loss will start being rapid again, and that I can get to my 3 week goal of 188!

R2P2 VLCD 2

Well...started yesterday at 208...yes folks, in 2 days of rather mild loading, I gained nearly 10 lbs. It was depressing. I thought for sure I'd drop it quickly...but today I was at 205 lbs. And unfortunately, I'm hungry. I pray that it's just the shock to my system at being on the VLCD and not a sign that I'm immune already or that I screwed myself up irrevocably simply by taking a gamble.

It's my plan to do the HCG injections for 23 days (and then 72 hours of VLCD minus HCG). Originally, I wanted to drop 10 lbs just to get myself into the 180s...but considering that I gained so much weight in a few days, I need to lose nearly 20 in that short time to get into the 180s. I'm annoyed at myself, but hey-at least it's been a lesson. I REALLY don't do well with sugar, and starch is fine if it's a rice...but not wheat or gluten, and definitely not combining sugar and starch together.

So...today I am at 205. I have until my last injection on 8/17/09 to lose at least 17 more pounds. 17 more pounds would put me at 188, which is totally manageable. I know I sound like a broken record; it's to remind myself to keep my focus. I pray that this goal is possible.

Right now, I'm hungry AND I have a sinus headache AND I'm at the office. Not the best combo, but I'll live. :)

R2P2-Load Day 1

So, I finally gained last night...I ate so much crap yesterday that I totally deserved to gain more than the 2.9 lbs I did. Chicken sandwich from a fast food place, buttered popcorn & Twizzlers at the movies, ice cream...I ate it, felt lousy, and felt even lousier this morning.

I decided to start HCG today...had my injection...IM 125iu, at 11am. I figured that today I would eat normally with an emphasis on fatty foods (incl cheesecake) so that today would be a mini load day. And then back to the VLCD starting on Monday. I hope that my hunger is minimal and that I'm able to lose a min. of 14lbs in 23 days of HCG, making my weight 188. Then I will break for the full six weeks and resume again in early October. Then I will try to lose 20 lbs during a full 43 day round of HCG, getting down to 168 by mid November...then breaking for the holidays, and trying to lose the last 15-18 lbs in a final January round. Here's hoping! :)

Planned Interruption Day 9

I was SO bad yesterday. I ate trail mix, Chinese food, and a huge ice cream cone. I expected the worst when I stepped on the scale this morning-instead, it said 199.8. I don't know how it's possible to eat all this and still be maintaining my weight, but I'm ecstatic!

And looking forward to starting P2 again on Monday. I just want to do 3 weeks on protocol, and try to lose 10-12lbs...if I can do that, then I'll be ready to take my full 6 week break. I just want to be at a more manageable weight, so to speak. And being in the 180s is just more manageable to me.

Happy Saturday!

Planned Interruption Day 7

How weird/cool is it that I am eating 2100-2200 calories a day, all delicious, and I'm maintaining my weight? Despite hydrocortisone? Despite the fact that I'm indulging in some starch/sugar? I think it means this HCG thing is real and that my hypothalamus really has reset. It's frigging awesome.

I look forward to doing 3 weeks on protocol next week-if I can just break into the 180s I will be very happy to then take my full 6 week break, do P3 and P4 properly, and then attack a long 3rd round of HCG in October. At that point, I hope that I'm only 37lbs away from my goal weight and can reach it (150lbs) by Christmas 2009.

Planned Interruption Day 6

Back down to 200 lbs, so safely within the 2 lbs of LIW, but I have to toe the line. Yesterday, instead of a steak day, I did a fat flush day...smoothie with raspberries, heavy cream & Stevia...cheddar cheese...macadamia nuts...steak...fat free pudding...nectarines...and some garlic hummus with garlic pita chips. Not exactly on protocol but hey-I dropped 4 lbs!

So...today I will do more of the same with the cheese, nuts, smoothie, and chicken. If I gain any weight, I'll have to figure out which of the above ingredients is causing me grief.

Relief to be near my LIW again, though!

Planned Interruption, Day 5

Did my steak day yesterday but it didn't help much. I am 204.7lbs. It's better than the 207.8 I was on Sunday, but I'm still really worried. I know I can go back on HCG on Monday, but I don't want to have to do a full week of steak days.

I think I will try a fat day today-macadamia nuts, cheese, chicken, and steak. More water, more tea. And see what happens. I just want to get back under 200 in the next few days so that I'm not starting the diet in the hole, so to speak.

Planned Interruption Day 4

Well, in 72 hours of P3/P4 eating, I gained 9 lbs. You read that right. I did eat sugar and starch, but no more than the 2000 calories a day that my body supposedly needs to maintain my weight. TOM also arrived 2 days early. So...I feel like a horrible, fat failure. I'm bloated and my stomach hurt all day yesterday. All this from fruit, meat, cheese, and yes, cookies & cheesecake. But nothing horrible, and not anything like a loading day. Scientifically speaking, I needed to consume 31,500 calories in order to gain 9 lbs. I consumed 6000 calories in 3 days. So, it's a little terrifying. Not sure if it's the hydrocortisone, the TOM, or just the fact that I didn't follow protocol. All I know is that as soon as my period is over (hopefully by Saturday), I am going right back on HCG and hoping to lose at least another 10 lbs (not including this sudden awful gain) before I hit immunity. It's my plan to start the shots, do 21 days, and then take a full, proper 6 week P3/P4 break before starting another cycle.

For today, I am doing a steak day. Nothing but water until 6pm, where I will have a big juicy steak with butter and oil and an apple. And hope that the scale slides back to under 200 again! :)

The Dreaded 72 hours

So, I took my last injection on Tuesday at 730am. My last injection weight was 198 lbs. I am on Day 2 of the 72 hours post injection where you follow the VLCD as HCG exits your system. Yesterday, I noticed no difference. I felt good, and wasn't hungry at all.

Today, I'm still not hungry (a blessing-but let's remember that it's only 1130am)...but I definitely feel a huge difference in my energy level. I have a slight headache, and I'm very sluggish and a little moody. I am hoping that's all the negative side effect I have. If I can get through today successfully, I can start P3/Planned Interruption tomorrow (Friday) at 730am...we're going shopping tonight in anticipation.

On Tuesday night, I had an extra apple (2 that day instead of 1) to see if it made a difference to my weight loss. I gained 1/2 a pound. Yesterday I eliminated the second apple and was back to LIW. This is a valuable tool for me for future rounds. I can only do chicken, steak, spinach, celery, and 1 apple a day and that's that.

4pm update. It's strange, but if anything, I've felt LESS hungry than ever. Finally ate at 130pm (chicken) and then had my beloved apple at 4pm. I hope this feeling continues...that will make the rest of the evening MUCH easier.

Having dinner with my family, and then home for reality (aka mindless) tv. And really, really, really looking forward to tomorrow's menu.

VLCD 40

My last injection was this morning. I weighed in at 198.0, bringing my total weight loss to 26.7 lbs in 40 days, which is awesome. My belly was 39 inches, down from 50 inches. I will do a complete measure tonight, but I must say I'm proud of myself. :)

Now, to get through the 72 hours of VLCD without the full power of HCG. That will be challenging. I'm working the whole time, so at least I won't fall to temptation while at home.

My first P3 meal? I'm thinking scrambled egg whites with garlic and dill and 1 oz of cheddar cheese and an apple. For snack, 1 oz of almonds. For lunch, celery sticks with garlic & herb alouette spreadable cheese. For snack, raspberries. For dinner...a thick steak with broccoli at Lonestar. For dessert? Homemade cheesecake. And if I don't have time to make it until Saturday, blueberries in heavy cream.

I look forward to making fruit and cream smoothies in the blender we never use. I'm desperately looking forward to cheese and nuts. Here's hoping they are not a trigger food that causes me to gain weight!

I've decided to do 3 full weeks of P3 and then try another round of HCG. It may backfire, or it may work nicely. I'm hoping for another 20 lbs down the second round...bringing me to 178, which was my weight when I got married 2 years ago. It's still 28 lbs from my goal weight, but I was a lot happier (and a size 10) at 178.

Have a marvelous Tuesday. :)

VLCD 39

199.3 lbs this morning...for which I was grateful. Especially since I had two count em TWO Zevia sodas yesterday, ate at a restaurant twice (sticking to protocol but still) and haven't had a BM in 3 days. But I still lose 1/2 a pound, yay!

Feeling really good about myself today. Can't believe tomorrow is my last shot. If I can survive the 3 non HCG VLCDs, I can eat real food and lots of it starting on Friday! This seems unfathomable to me but also awesome. I'm psyched!

It's a beautiful Monday.

VLCD 38

Finally! Woke up to 199.9 lbs this morning! I was so excited that I took a photo of that number on the scale. :) And...I lost another inch off my belly...10 inches off my belly!

I started at a 50 inch belly...if in the next 5 days of the diet I could get to 197.7 and 39 inches, I'd be in great shape. That puts me in a great frame of mind to take off the next set of weeks and focus on stabilizing in P3. I am so looking forward to more food, with more variety. I can hear the fruits and cheeses and nuts calling my name! Although I know that cheese and nuts can be triggers for people, so I will have to be really careful with them. I am hoping, though, that since I am allergic to seafood, fish, some fruits, and all breads, that God will allow me to eat my fill of nuts and cheese...otherwise, it'll be a boring existence! :)

Have a wonderful Sunday!!! :)

VLCD 37

Well, waking up to 200.8 lbs (only a 2 ounce loss and that after cutting out my precious second fruit) was super disappointing. But I measured (for good measure!) and I lost another inch in my belly, .5 inches off my hips, and another inch off my bust. So...there you have it. While my mind ferociously needs to be no more than 199 for my LIW (preferably lower, but at this point, that may not happen), at least I'm losing inches.

It's going to be a long day. Seeing the in laws, and then a social occasion. Joy.

But, I keep it in mind that my last shot will be on Tuesday, and by Friday, I'll be enjoying the fruits (and so much more!) of P3. That is what keeps me going right now.

VLCD 36

Last night was really tough. I got very hungry, and super depressed. I was ready to quit early. Not losing any weight in a week when I'm trying to hit my goal has been tough. BUT...as of this morning, I only dropped half a pound (201.0), and that was after 5 bowel movements during the night and in the morning (sorry for the TMI!), but when I measured, I found that I've lost 36 total inches since the beginning, including an amazing 8 inches off my belly alone. I took pics too, and I can finally SEE the change, esp. from the side. I went from looking pregnant to chubby. And after chubby can come normal, then thin. :)

I tried on jeans (3 pairs) that I haven't worn in more than a year...they all fit. Shirts that have been tight are loose. So, things are happening for me.

My last shot is on Monday. I am still hoping and praying to break into the 190s before that. If my LIW can be 199, and then I can lose 2 more pounds in the VLCD 3 day period that follows, I will be content.

I have decided to do P3 for 3 weeks, then load again, and then do HCG/VLCD for the 3 week session. I want to see how I fare on it. If it's not well, I'll stop and finish my 3 week break. I think 3 weeks on and 3 weeks off makes sense to me, and seems more bearable, more manageable.

Wish me luck! :)

VLCD 34 & 35

home for 2 days now...following diet to the letter of the law. And no weight loss. I am 201.7, which means I've lost 23 lbs. I've also lost 34 inches. These things are great...but I desperately need to break into the 190s and soon. I don't know what's wrong. I only have a few days left on injections...was hoping to hit 190 by 7/16 but since it's 7 days away and I have 11 lbs to go, it seems a pipe dream.

I AM looking forward to P3. I've printed out my list of allowed foods. Will try to do 1600 calories a day despite the BMR calculator saying 2111...that seems high, esp. with my cortisol. But if I start to gain, I'll have to experiment. Thank God for steak and apple days in case I screw up.

Hoping I have a break through in the next week and really get down as close to that goal as possible. At this point, even 195 would be a blessing.

VLCD 32 & 33

...were spent on the road due to a conference. I did extremely well, despite mega temptations to cheat. Seriously-my mind was playing terrible tricks on me. Didn't bring the scale but stayed to the protocol. 2 apples a day, 2 servings of chicken a day. Tons of water and hot tea.

I will weigh in the morning. Praying to be down to 200 or dare I think it? 199.

VLCD 31

Ate broccoli with my steak tonight and went up to 203.1 which is a huge bummer-to gain almost a pound for a veggie without butter or oil just doesn't seem fair! I wish I'd just gotten a dessert...I probably would've done the same damage but enjoyed it a whole lot more!

I'm off to a conference out of state-packed my HCG in a cooler, got my apples, and am hoping for the best. It'll be tough to do my diet during roadtrips...that is always when I indulge in chips, diet coke, and pop tarts as well as my favorite candies. For me, this will be apple, water, plain chicken...not that exciting.

Today I had my water, chicken, and two apples. Not really hungry for anything else despite the steak in the fridge. I guess that's something. Have a good week, my friends!

VLCD 30

202.3-not quite the drop I was seeking, but I'll live. Off to try to get through a day of bbqs and other 4th of July festivities!

VLCD 29

So, despite a lack of BM, I went to 202.7 lbs this morning, bringing my one month total loss to 22 lbs. Not bad! I also lost 10 inches, for a total of 25 inches lost since the beginning. Then I finally had the BM...no more lost, though, which is crazy since it was a lot. Sorry for the TMI! :)

I am debating whether to continue past the 40 injections. Part of me desperately needs a break...the other part wants to make up for the three major setbacks I had in one short month...period, cheat, illness. Now, the cheat was totally my fault. My period is natural and was expected. But the illness really sucked.

Still hoping to be 199 by Sunday...don't know if I can make that happen but I sure will try. I am aiming to eat more since the board ladies tell me I'm not eating enough...maybe they were right-with two fruits and two proteins yesterday, I lost 2 lbs. Today I will add some veggies. Fingers crossed for more success!

VLCD 28

So, after last night's intense cravings and hunger, and skipping my evening protein, I thought for sure there'd be a loss this morning. Nope. 204.0. It's so depressing to know that I did nothing wrong and still nothing to show for it.

Hubby mixed a new batch and I got my first new HCG injection this morning. Nurse on the board says to definitely try IM instead of sub Q injections...will try tomorrow and hope that I start seeing some results. I mentally need to be in the 190s this weekend no matter what. Even 199.9 on Sunday would make me feel like the diet is really working and that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Despite losing 20 lbs and inches, I am still wearing the same jeans, the same skirts, the same tops. I can see a small difference in my overall circumference, but I should be down 2 full sizes. Instead, things are just a tad looser. I know I need to be patient, that I'm working against the odds here. I take a medication daily that is notorious for weight gain (I gained 15 lbs in 2 months on it before I started HCG)...and in my less than 30 days on the diet, I've had my period, I cheated once, and I got a horrible cold. So, I've had three stalls and I know that means that I should be patient. I just need to see the scale move in a downward fashion SOON. I am praying I can still make my first goal of 190 by July 16th. I do have 2 weeks. Right now, it's 15 lbs away, but with a quick loss of stuff I've been stockpiling and then a normal 1 lb loss a day, it's not impossible. I just have to keep that thought in the back of my head.

Starving

So, I'm struggling today. It's 8pm and I'm starving. 110 oz of water, a LifeCaps pill, and a cup of Yerba Mate tea...and my stomach is growling. Hubby just mixed up new batch...HCG loses its potency after a month and it's been exactly that. This is the first real hunger I've had in about 10 days, so I'm guessing that's the reason.

I'm torturing myself thinking about the things I'd eat right now if I could. Bear me with me as I list them...maybe writing them down will help me purge my food demons.

Sweets (my current biggest craving):
cupcakes. Vanilla ones with frosting and sprinkles.
cheesecake. NY style, slightly frozen. Plain.
butter cookies, plain & raspberry filling. Sprinkles.
Ice cream...two scoops...cookie dough and black raspberry or mint chocolate chip. With sprinkles and waffle cone pieces.
Cherry or blueberry pie with whipped cream or cool whip.
1 brownie

Savory foods:
3 taquitos from 7-11
a beef hot dog in a potato roll bun and mustard
2 dominos oven baked sandwiches (chicken bacon ranch)
1 small thin crust cheese pizza from Dominos
1 small thick crust pizza from Papa Johns with garlic dipping sauce
1 loaf of French bread smothered in garlic/herb Alouette cheese

That felt better. I think I just came up with my Round 2 Loading Day list. :)

Here's hoping to get through the night. I'm in bed super early and avoiding the kitchen.

VLCD 27

Up a pound this morning...must be the pickles I added for the first time last night (3 small ones). They were tasty, but not earth shattering, so I don't think I'll be risking the sodium.

I had a lot of cravings today...work ordered several pizzas to be delivered and they smelled like heaven. I've also been kind of in a funk, but my marvelous hubby rescued me at lunchtime to just take a little walk and enjoy the sunshine. And I felt that much better.

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to see a 2lb drop. I really want to be in the 190s this weekend!!!

VLCD 26

203.8 this morning...so lost almost a full pound. If I can keep this up, I'll be below 200 by the weekend! :)

I ate a McDonald's grilled chicken breast plain yesterday as I didn't have time to cook chicken...and then a few pieces of an oil free, sauce free steak at Ruby Tuesdays. I had 2 apples, which isn't the best but I really wanted the sweet. And it still paid off.

Today I will endeavor to eat just the chicken and the one apple, and maybe some steak and a pickle. Other than still being sick, I feel pretty good. Looking forward to finishing up with Phase 2 (hopefully at my 1st goal of 190) and then doing 3 weeks of P3 and 3 weeks of P4. There's a Red Velvet Cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory with my name on it for P4. :)

VLCD 25

Wow...finally...204.7 lbs...I've lost 20 pounds in a bit over three weeks! Despite the one cheat, my TOM, and being horribly sick (I'm still sick), I finally hit that milestone. Now, I have 14 more lbs to lose in my remaining 19 days on the diet...I think I can do it. Then I can stabilize at 190 for 3 weeks eating an Atkins like induction diet of 1600 calories (no starch, no sugar)...then gradually eat normally for another 3 weeks, and then start Phase 2 again. And I hope in that round to lose at least 30 lbs.

My goal is to reach 150 lbs by 11/1/09. :)

The diet gets easier every day. I still think about food and lust over it, but I'm rarely hungry, and the days slip away as I dream of getting to the size I've wanted to be for so many years. I couldn't do it without the support of my wonderful, wonderful husband.

VLCD 23 and 24

Remained in a stall. Had a busy, exhausting, and often disappointing weekend but stayed the course.

VLCD 22

Still 208. Being sick sucks for many reasons, but the fact is that I'm not hungry and doing the diet perfectly and it really hurts to not have it working at all. If I'd stalled at 206 that would have been bad enough, but to gain really adds insult to injury.

I've been taking meds and drinking rivers of water. So now I feel bloated AND sick. Blech.

Ok, done moaning. Praying that I will start losing again soon, and more importantly, that I'll feel better quickly-I have a big weekend ahead.

VLCD 21

Still super sick-up another pound, which is incredibly depressing. I had a goal for this weekend of 202 lbs, and I'm 209. All this with faultless dieting despite a ton of stress AND being sick. Oh well. A terrific nurse on the HCG board told me my body was going through a cleanse and to fight my illness, take a ton of vitamin C to the point of diarrhea, and also something called NAC caps, which is a proven remedy for boosting the immune system and getting cold and flu out of the body. Hubby went to buy me some-here's hoping!

VLCD 20

Not a great day today. Was sick and continued to be sick (sinus issues/cold) this morning...and despite following the diet perfectly yesterday, I was up 2 lbs. I heard that a cold and allergies cause water retention. Today I got sugar free cough syrup, cough drops, and Zicam and hope that it won't make me retain more. Other than feeling stuffed up and tired, I'm ok. Still hoping to weigh between 200 and 202 for Saturday...I figure if I can finish my period AND lick this cold, it might happen. Followng the diet, and drinking loads and loads and lakes of water. As always, we'll see. :)

VLCD 19

206.2...so I'm down 18.5 lbs in the same number of days, which rocks. And I have my period-hoping to see a few more pounds go down this week once that's run its course! Yay.

VLCD 18

Period started in full today; and was up all night sick as a dog with the runs (sorry for the TMI) and now a sinus injection of sorts. But...the upside is that I was 207.2 lbs! So yay for being sick. ;) Actually, I'm still feeling pretty awful. Am at work but will leave early and try to rest up. I decided to do my shot today because while some suggest you skip it for the first day or so of your TOM, I was afraid of my cravings. If I don't feel good, and then have access to food since I am not at work, then I am self destructive. So I took my shot and am hoping for the best. In the meantime, I'm halfway to my first goal!!!

VLCD 17

and back up to 209/210 (hovering) this morning. My TOM officially starts tomorrow, so I'm hoping that's the reason for a stall and that in a few days I will drop a ton of weight. :)

I survived a movie theatre today with a bottle of water. My hubby forsook his popcorn or candy and got a hot dog instead. Yes, I wanted to sucker punch him for a bite, but I held it together. :)

VLCD 16

208.8 lbs this morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is my Saturday gift. And 2 more inches gone from my belly! I am so excited to think I am 18.8 lbs away from my first goal, and I have 25 days left to lose it. I've lost 15.9 lbs in 2 weeks...this is incredible to me.

Busy things going on today, so I will just bask in my weight loss and run around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Enjoy the day! :)

VLCD 15

and back up to 212.9 lbs. That said, I got my period and am also constipated. I know-TMI! Yesterday, I ate my apple, 100 grams of chicken, 100 grams of steak, and had a decaf iced tea sweetened with liquid stevia. That's it...none of my berries or veggies. I'm trying to be as stringent as I can...it wasn't too hard. My hunger has been a little better. I worry that when my period hits fully in the next day or so and I have to miss two days of injections per the protocol that I will be starving and miserable. It's an important week ahead for me and I'd hoped to be down to 205. C'est la vie.

I am home today, and will stay in my room doing work to avoid the fridge temptation downstairs. I will probably be hungry enough to want to cheat, but after Tuesday's disastrous cheat, I won't actually go through with it.

I've got my water and my LifeCaps and will just hope for the best. I hope that in the next few days the scale starts to move rapidly in the downward direction again!

VLCD 14

Well, I got back to 211.7lbs, so I lost the 2 lbs I gained as a result of my horrid binge. I feel a lot better and more in control today. Was barely hungry yesterday...hope that continues. I'm ready to be done feeling the hunger that everyone said would stop within my first week.

I'm on VLCD 14 (2 weeks!) and day 17 of my injections. I have 25 more injections (added two for my period) and 31 more days of the VLCD. That means that I have 31 more days to lose the 21.7 lbs it will take me to reach my first goal of 190 lbs.

My period is coming...not sure what that will bring. Was advised to not do my shot on the first two days and then get back on them. No idea how I will feel, esp. the hunger aspect. Hoping for the best, though.

VLCD 13

Post Tuesday Binge: At 2pm, 1 hour after eating pizza & sandwich, my stomach became distended and hard, and I threw up a few times. I didn't eat for the rest of the day and felt sick even into the next morning...when I awoke with a 2lb gain.

Ate an apple at 11am, drank water, and then had my 3.5 oz of steak at 6pm. Nothing else. Hoped to get back down to the weight I was before I fell off the wagon.

Don't cheat. It's SO not worth it. I cheated big, and am probably lucky that I only gained 2lbs from it. I felt sick emotionally and physically, and am still kicking myself.

VLCD 12

It's not gotten off to a good start. This morning, I weighed myself super early. 211.1, so less than half a pound lost. I figured it was too early and waited until 8am. 211.5 again...no weight loss. An hour later, I was up to 212.8. And that was after a BM and three times peeing!

No sure what's going on and I'm a little panicked. Yesterday, I skipped my evening meal...not intentionally...but instead of 500+ calories, I ate 325.

This morning, my reward for being hungry all last night was weight gain and being absolutely starving today.

TOM isn't for 6 more days. I did eat 2 strawberries yesterday in my berry mix. Since they are the recommended fruit from Dr. Simeons, and I'm allergic, I tried to eat them in hopes of making my allergy better. I have two hives this morning. The girls on the board say that the weight gain is probably just water retention from the allergic reaction (hives). That still seems extreme to me.

Oh well. Must resist the urge to have pizza. I'm starving, tired, depressed, and bored...not a good combo when you're home alone. But I'm 1/3 of the way through...I don't want to screw up now.

1pm. And I'm going to screw up. After a slew of depressing news where I feel helpless and hopeless, I ordered from Dominos. A sandwich and a pizza. I can't believe I'm doing this. But between the lack of weight loss and then bad news from my parents, sisters, husband AND work...I am feeling like crap. And so hungry. I know that most people would gain a pound; I'll probably gain all my weight back. I feel like such a hypocrite-I thought the people constantly cheating on the board were kind of pathetic. But I'm just as bad.

VLCD 11

How appropriate that I am 211.5 this morning?!? :) Yesterday I experimented a bit...I had my usual apple, chicken, and celery...and then I got lean steak from Chipotle. It was 4 oz, prob made with a little oil and lots of spice, but I figured that if I sacrificed my spinach and my berries, it might be ok. And it was...I dropped a pound! But...it was a little too spicy without rice and beans to break it up, and I missed my veggies. So-good to know Chipotle can work in a pinch, but mainly, I will take my yummy steak with my spinach and berries.

Enjoy!

VLCD 10

...and it did...212.5 this morning! So I'm down 12.2 lbs in 9 days, which is awesome! 22.5 lbs to reach my first goal, and if I can just lose at least .8 lbs a day, I will reach it.

Lazy day at home today...going to keep the 150 iu and the new supplements I was advised to take: l-glutamine, l-cytoseine, potassium, MSM, BioSil, and thymus gland. I hate pills, esp. horse pills, but I hear that they help with cravings, water loss/cramps, mood, thyroid regulation, and thinning hair (which people often have during/after the diet).

VLCD 9

Depression set in when I was only down to 213.8 this morning. I'm doing everything right. I decided to lower my dose from 200IU sub-q to 150 iu sub-q. We'll see.

Tough day...friends came over and ate pizza and subs and cookies and soda. I wanted to gnaw my own arm off, but I stuck to my goals with my berries and steak. Hope it pays off tomorrow.

VLCD 8

214 even this morning. 7 days on the VLCD and I've lost 10.7 lbs and 10 inches! So, I guess I hoped to see more loss, but overall I'm happy...if I can keep up this pace, I'll meet my first goal of 190 without a problem in mid July.

Here's hoping!

I'm home from the office today, which makes it a little harder. I'm still hungry, but worse than that...I cannot stop thinking about food. It's so ridiculous. I actually make my husband tell me everything HE ate during the day, so I can live vicariously through it!

But as long as I keep losing weight, I think I can keep this up. Here's hoping! (take 2) :)

VLCD 7

was at 214.9lbs...not the 2 lbs a day I was losing, but it's sure better than gaining! Had an extremely busy day and missed my veggies. Drank 136 oz of water and felt like I'd float away.

VLCD 6

Well, only lost a little more than half a pound today...it's weird...I did everything the same yesterday, but today I feel bloated. Oh well...the scale continues to go down...I'm now 215.4 lbs, bringing my 5 day loss to a whopping 9.3 lbs, which rocks!

Today is my hubby's birthday. We're going out with his folks to a steakhouse. I am going to ask them to cook me a little steak, no butter, no oil...and will avoid veggies and cake, obviously. Will have berries later.

Hot summer days overwhelm me...I feel like I'm retaining water and dehydrated when I'm so clearly not. Blech.

Happy Birthday, honey!

VLCD 5

I cannot believe that I lost another 2.1 lbs! 8.7 lbs down since I began the diet 6 days ago (2 of those load in days)...it's incredible and I'm filled with hope for the first time in many years. :) Maybe my first goal of 190 lbs (aka 34 lbs down in 43 days) isn't so far fetched after all...:)

I mixed things up a bit today...started off with lots of water and a cup of hot Yerba Mate tea...then had my apple...waited till 130pm for lunch...chicken and spinach. One bottle of diet white peach iced tea...it's a nice break from the now 112 oz of water I'm drinking a day. I will snack on celery sticks at around 4pm, and then have a dinner of raspberries and steak at 530pm. I have a meeting till 1030pm tonight, so there will be no opps to snack before bed. :)

I know that the weight loss can't keep up at 2 lbs a day, but I hope that 1lb a day can be done...the faster it happens, the more incentive there is to stay. That's true in most cases, but especially for me.

VLCD 4

And the scale hath rewarded me...2.1lbs down for a grand total of 6.6lbs lost since the VLCD began 4 days ago!!! I am less hungry, which may be due to LifeCaps or just the HCG itself...I'm thankful for whatever it is!

Going to a concert tonight...worried about having to pee a thousand times...I usually drink a diet soda and that will keep me from peeing for hours...but I can't do that now! Oh well...hope to get all my liquids in (I'm drinking 5-6 bottles of water a day, something like 96oz) before the concert and then just enjoy it.

12am update...not so bad...did have to use the icky public restrooms twice during the show but it was no biggie. :) And the concert was AMAZING!!! :)

VLCD 3

...220.2lbs. Less than half a pound lost on Day 2 of VLCD, so that's extremely discouraging. I am hungry but not starving today, and hope that keeps up. No headache yet. Took a LifeCap, and am going to eat my apple in a little bit. We'll see!

945pm update...day went pretty well. Ate all my usual stuff. Hunger is mild compared to yesterday, but I am still definitely thinking about food. No headache. So, all in all, was pretty good.

Fingers crossed for seeing 219.2lbs on the scale tomorrow!!! :)

VLCD 2

And the morning scale held a beautiful surprise for me...220.7lbs, meaning I lost 4lbs since yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is certainly good incentive. I woke up late today, at 10am, so I haven't yet had my shot...and I am not hungry. That's an even better sign. I'm ready to start the day! :)
...

I had hunger issues today again, along with a nasty migraine. I finally gave in and took 2 Alleve...I felt better later in the day. I got through it all, and I'm guessing the LifeCaps I took to stave off hunger helped a little. Hopefully the morning will bring me rewards for the angst.

HCG Protocol-The First 3 Days

Injection Day/Load In Day 1...6/3/09...
224.7 lbs
-proceeded to do the Load in...eating everything I wanted, esp. old treats I hadn't had forever. Cheesecake, bagels...unfortunately, a few hours after the shot, I wasn't hungry. Two days of load in and I was ready to throw up...I didn't eat even half of what I'd purchased for the load in days but I really didn't want to get sick.
Injection Day/Load In Day 2...6/4/09...
222.0 lbs
-more food, still no hunger. Feeling alert and awake.
Injection Day/VLCD Day 1...6/5/09
224.7 lbs (so, I gained nothing in my load in days despite stuffing my face-that's a first)
-9am shot...feeling hungry
-drink lots and lots of water (four 16 oz bottles) to stave off the hunger
11am-1 medium sized gala apple and a cup of hot decaf tea with Stevia sweetener
1230pm-3oz of boneless, skinless chicken breast seasoned with garlic powder & sea salt and 5 sticks of celery
2pm-2 more bottles of water
4pm-1 cup of hot Yerba Mate tea
5pm-3oz of steak seasoned with garlic powder & sea salt and 1/2 a package of plain spinach
530pm-diet iced tea
6pm-frozen raspberries with 1/2 packet of Stevia
730pm-15 minute walk with my husband and my dog
830pm-1 cup of hot Yerba Mate tea
10pm...off to bed. I won't lie...I have been hungry ALL DAY LONG. But I survived. I didn't cheat, I did everything according to plan, and I got in my little planned exercise. I feel pretty good, gnawing hunger pangs aside. I didn't wear any make up save a little mascara and lipstick, and I'm just using my organic lotion. I went out tonight and purchased more organic things like shampoo & conditioner, rock crystal deodorant, sugar free breath mints made with xylitol, and hair color. We'll see. :)

We'll see what the morning scale holds for me...:)

HCG Protocol Begins :)

So, after a decade of struggling with my weight, and a diagnosis of pituitary disease that affects my pituitary & hypothalamus glands, I'm trying something called HCG. It's sort of a last resort for people who have had weight issues...when the "eat less calories than you expend" strategy doesn't work. When you exercise till you fall over and don't lose a pound.

After my diagnosis, I was put on Hydrocortisone to replace the cortisol that my pituitary gland is too damaged to make. While it helps tremendously with my overwhelming fatigue and muscle aches, it also causes weight gain. Not good for someone who has been desperately struggling to lose it in the first place.

My weight issues started as a teenager. I gained 50-60lbs in a few months without increasing my calories. I went from a slim, healthy, happy 18 year old to a fat, flabby, exhausted person who was covered in stretch marks and hated herself. Over the last several years, I've gained and lost the same 30-40lbs, never reaching "thin" and usually feeling awful. I've had a personal trainer, nutritionists, and a strong willpower. I've tried Phentermine, Dexatrim, Jenny Craig, Medifast, Weight Watchers, Atkins...you name it, I've tried it. I've also help myself accountable. I know the caloric content of every bite that goes into my mouth. I've keep food journals. Doctors thought I had Cushings Disease...but no test reveals it conclusively. So they just end up thinking I'm sneaking food, or don't know portion control. Sometimes I hate conventional medicine.

At my wedding a few years ago, I was 5'6 and 175lbs. It took me a year to lose that 35lbs...6 days a week at the gym, removing all wheat/gluten/sugar from my diet,etc. In the last two years, I've put on 50lbs without really changing my healthy eating habits. When I started on Hydrocortisone, I weighed 210lbs...that was 2 months ago and I've gained 15 lbs since then. My endocrinologist recommended eating 800-1000 calories a day. I've done that...it leaves me weak and irritable.

A few weeks ago, I was making appointments with a plastic surgeon. I felt that weight loss surgery itself wouldn't help because I didn't have a problem with portions and willpower. But I felt that it was time to explore liposuction, tummy tucks, and brachioplasty for my huge belly and batwing upper arms. Then my mom called to tell me about a coworker who had lost 40lbs in a few months and kept it off. She was giving herself injections of something called HCG, which is often used in infertility treatment. It's something natural the body produces when a woman is pregnant.

I have done my research. There are many naysayers...but for every one of those, I find 10 supporters. I've read blogs. I've read of struggles from other women like me...who have legitimately tried everything. Women with PCOS, thyroid, and pituitary issues. Women who are finally, finally losing weight. Lots of weight.

So I ordered my HCG online and it arrived last week. My hubby has been monumental in helping me get started. He learned how to mix everything for the injections, and then cooked up all the proteins I needed, took me to every health food store for proper vitamins and organic items, etc. He thinks I'm gorgeous no matter what...it's time I actually feel that way myself.

I'll be blogging on my steps as often as I can. Start weight, 224.7lbs. Goal weight: 150lbs. I hope to reach there within the next 5 months. 75lbs in 5 months...sounds impossible, but I'm going to try!!! :)